Breaking the Silence: The Journey to Speaking Out
The transformative moment of speaking about the abuse for the first time and the journey it sparks.
“The truth will set you free, but first it will shatter your illusions.” – James A. Garfield
Speaking out about abuse can be painful but ultimately liberating, breaking through the isolation created by silence.
One of the most pivotal moments in my journey as a survivor was the day I decided to speak about the abuse. For years, I carried the weight of it in silence, believing that sharing would only bring shame, rejection, or disbelief. I thought, What good would it do to bring up the past? But silence wasn’t protecting me—it was isolating me.
The decision to speak out wasn’t sudden for me. I had told my mother about the abuse when I was young – and she stopped it. I had told one friend at the time and a couple of close friends since then.
It hadn’t occurred to me that there were any other options because of the shame and self-perceived consequences, so I just sat with it for 35 years.
Several months into group therapy, I discovered the power of agency - that I actually had the ability to act in my own interests and build my own life. This sounds odd for a grown man, but in the end it was a bit more courage to move forward and shed some of “the weight”. I was able to see how this difficult step was a way for me to take ownership of my life and my story.
In my case, other than in therapy and to my spouse at the time, my first case of speaking out was direct to police, which started a unique process of its own. Additionally, I used highly abridged versions of my story as content for a series of presentations in my Dale Carnegie communications classes. As I talked more about it, I wanted to do more and help others. The resulting court case and publication ban delayed some of those plans, but over time, I removed those obstacles, too.
Breaking the silence will not solve everything overnight. It was the start of a very long process—a shift from carrying shame to seeking understanding, a search that took over 30 years for my body and brain to process. In hindsight, that simple act of sharing give you the courage to take the next steps – however long it takes.
To any survivor reading this: you do not have to speak out and speaking out doesn’t have to mean telling the world. It can mean sharing with one trusted person or even journaling to yourself. It’s not about how you do it but about recognizing that your story matters. You deserve to be heard, not silenced.
Key Take-away: Speaking out about your experiences is a courageous first step toward healing and reclaiming your narrative.
Reflective Prompts:
Have you ever considered breaking your silence? What would it feel like to share your story with someone you trust?
What fears or beliefs have kept you from speaking about your experiences, and how might you begin to challenge them?
How has staying silent affected your life, and what might change if you allowed yourself to share your truth? Consider the emotional and relational impact of silence and envision the potential freedom or support that could come from speaking out.